Making A Long Distance Relationship Work

A lot of people are not fans of long distance relationships, but there are some of them that actually work out. Blessing Ukemena writes with reports from MadamNoire.com.

Ideally, when you are in love, the man of your dream lives with you in the same house, and you can come home to a foot massage, wake up to breakfast in bed, and expect surprise gifts from time to time.

But sometimes, this is just a dream, and love has no regard for what is “ideal”! Sometimes, you’ll fall for a man who happens to have a job or career across the country, and sometimes have to live far away from you. Your friends will tell you to forget about him, that it won’t work out, and that the travel will exhaust you. But it’s too late. You’ve fallen for him, and you want to make it work.

But the question is,  is it possible? Well no one is an expert on saying what will work or not, but if you want to stick to it, then just stick to these fundamental rules.

Set A Time For Visitation
Human beings can adjust to any kind of pain, including the pain of waiting to see your loved one! But the key to adjusting is knowing what you’re in for. At the beginning of the relationship, talk about what is realistic for the both of you, in terms of visiting.

If you know from the beginning you’ll have to go three months without seeing each other, you’re far more prepared for that, than if you’d just avoided the topic, and played around with dates and flights for weeks until you realise, “Oh no! Now my budget and schedule won’t allow me to come for another four months!” Set a visitation frequency, and try to stick to it.

Establish How Often You’ll Communicate
Some people need to talk everyday or else they feel disconnected. Others need to space out those hour-long Skype sessions, so they can fully throw themselves into their work for a few days at a time. Find out what works for your partner and you. Similar to setting expectations for visiting each other, if you set expectations for how often you’ll speak, the waiting time in-between won’t feel like total torture.

Don’t Overdo It With The Communication
Daily texts and perhaps a quick phone call to say “hi” here and there is good for keeping things flirtatious, but try to limit lengthy phone calls or Skype chats to twice a week. This keeps you from growing dependent on each other, and on those Skype calls as your only social life! It also makes each of those long chat sessions that much more special.

Don’t Skip Big Events To Visit Him
When you’re in a long distance relationship, you can’t “do it all”. You can’t drive over to your guy’s house after attending a work event. It’s either one, or the other. And often, it’s one, and then, none of the other for a few days! But you’ll begin to resent your relationship if you let it take you away from the parts of your life that are truly important to you.

When you have to go off the visitation schedule to attend a party with your best friend, or a work convention where there will be great opportunities for you, make an exception that time.

Keep Up Your Social Life
When your man is so far away, it can feel like you have to pay extra attention to the relationship to make it work. Again, you may have the urge to Skype every night, or text constantly. And this could take you away from quality time with your friends.

This is a vicious cycle, because the more your friendships deteriorate, the more you depend on your relationship to work, and the more you depend on it, the more you resent it. Put the phone down, close the laptop, and keep seeing your friends, regularly.

There Needs To Be An End In Sight
You can’t be in a long distance relationship forever. Have the talk about who is moving to who’s place, and have it soon. If you realise that for work-related reasons, or family, or stubbornness, that neither of you will ever move to the other, then what are you doing in this relationship?

But, if you have a set goal, you will again avoid a lot of those “what am I doing?” panic moments. And you and your guy will bond over working towards that shared goal.

Establish Roots In Advance
If you’re going to move to his city, start making friends there, start looking for a job, scout out what will be your yoga studio. It will be too much pressure on your guy to feel he is your only source of happiness when you move to his town.

And you’ll again resent the relationship if you see him happily continuing his life, with his job and established friendships, while you’re floundering to create a life for yourself.

Alternate Visits
Keep up your end of the bargain. Going to visit one another takes a toll on your budgets, your jobs, and your friendships back at home. And the only thing that makes it worth it (besides getting to see each other!) is knowing the other person is willing to make the same sacrifices you are making.