Trust, Not Commitment, Makes A Lasting Relationship


A lot of people feel that getting married is the main objective of a relationship, but trust is the glue that can make such commitments last long and be enjoyable. Blessing Ukemena and Ugochi  Amadi write.

Trust is to be earned, and not given. Many men do not realise this and believe that a lady should just trust them once she chose to go out with them. Many ladies have left relationships because their men have not given them enough reasons to trust them for the future.

Ladidi, who works at the Silverbird Entertainment Centre in Abuja told LEADERSHIP SUNDAY that she had to leave her fiancĂ©e after their  introduction because he started acting as though it was her job to support the relationship. “He kept telling me that things would work out and when I told him about getting a job, he would get angry, saying that I was putting pressure on him to do what he didn’t want to do.

But he would always ask me for money. I got tired of always helping him out financially. Even with his connections in town, he refused to get something doing for the main time. That made me to lose faith in him. So, I walked out,” she stated.

She was committed, but did not trust him; so, it did not last. Men have their issues, and so do women. Both parties have to be able to trust that the other person will be there to support. If this is only from one side, then that relationship is going down the hill.

It is not just about the money or gifts, but about being there when your partner needs you. In this way, it will be easier to commit to the relationship.

Most relationships usually begin with great memories and the continuity of this great found love depends on how it is being followed from the beginning. When a man is somewhat forced into getting committed, the relationship ends as soon as it begins. Learn to understand the word, TRUST, which is the most essential part of a relationship, and stop holding onto him.

Some women need to "allow" the man to have some authority in the relationship. This will let him know that the trust his manliness (ability to be responsible!).

Talking about commitment, commitment should be a normal thing in any relationship, but when you notice he is pulling away, take your brake and leave him to decide on commitment. If you are working so hard to get him into commitments, most cases, the relationship ends before it begins.

Ladies develop emotions so easily during relationship, while guys are more logical than being emotional. In most often cases than none, guys withdraw because they felt the lady was holding unto them to do what they had not decided, thereby diminishing their egos.

Researches have shown that the best way to keep a man is to let go of him; too much security does nothing but harm, instead of preventing what would happen. Because, it creates fear and distrust in a relationship. You need to give your guy a breathing space; let him have fresh air and don't  let him feel he is in a bondage, which could be his impression towards marrying you.

Speaking with a human resources consultant, Mr. Beluchi Ugonna Okeke, he said: “Love is all about trust, and without trust, there is no relationship.” Because ladies are emotional, they tend to overdo things, most especially when they want to get a man to make commitment on marriage.

Men are naturally in charge of everything; they will never let down their ego for ladies to control. If he is not given the space he needs to think on the things he intended doing in his own way, then the girl might end up being heartbroken. Guys love ladies to be around them and to be supportive to some certain things, and not being in charge or trying to act like a mother that wants to take control of every angle in his life.

Ladies always make this mistake of watching over a man in whatever he is doing. It can't be helped though, because that is the way ladies are made. However, some ladies do not know that always tagging a man's every move makes him think that you don’t trust him. And it will get to a point where the guy will get tired of the monitoring, and decide to let go of the relationship.
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