Dating A Younger Man?

The “Sugar Mummy” syndrome in Nigeria does exist, but is hardly acknowledged. Blessing Ukemena writes about the myths in such relationships, with additional reports from YourTango.com.

They are called "Sugar Mummies" in  Nigeria, while they are called "Cougars" in countries like the United States and Britain. The Urban Dictionary states that “Cougars are gaining in popularity, particularly the true hotties, as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her acts together”.

Some think of a Cougar as a confident, independent, young-spirited woman, who happens to prefer the company of younger men. Being a "Sugar Mummy" is just as bad as being a "Sugar Daddy", even though the Sugar Daddies are more popular, because many young ladies see them as their tickets to a better life. But there is no denying that even in the strict African cultures, young men still date older women for money. Here are some myths about such relationships:

Myth 1: A relationship between an older woman and a younger man isn't viable. He'll cheat on her with someone his age. Look at Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

Fact: No one can deny that Nick and Mariah have been together much longer than expected, and although they may have their private issues, to the public, they are the perfect couple. Their twin children are evidence that the young man is enjoying his time with her!

Myth 2: A "Sugar Mummy" is the hunter, who preys on the innocent younger man.
Fact: Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical “type”, such as preferring blondes to brunettes. It is discovered that somewhere along the way, those attracted to "Sugar Mummies" have had a prior positive experience with one.

A "Sugar Mummy" exudes self-confidence, which makes her a highly desirable conquest to a younger man. Often, it’s the younger man who approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely sexual no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief that it is the woman who goes for the younger man.

Myth 3: A younger man won't be able to maintain the interest of an older woman. They have nothing in common; for example, they like different music. He's probably not able to carry on a conversation with her.

Fact: In the beginning, there may be a lot of differences, but with time, they get to appreciate each other so as to make the relationship bearable or enjoyable. He may developed a taste for fine wine, since it's one of her passions, while she can start to listen to more rock music and be in tune with the latest releases. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship. Age has nothing to do with IQ score. "Sugar Mummies" have been known to stay up late at night chatting with their younger men about the meaning of life.

Myth 4: The younger man will ultimately want children, and will dump the older woman who already has or is too old.
Fact: This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn't. Having children isn't a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman, he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. In fact, many younger men gravitate to older women who won't pressure them to get married and have children, (so true for many Nigerian men!).

Myth 5: A "Sugar Mummy" won't fit into younger man's social circle or vice versa.

Fact: The couple may experience some negativity, especially in the initial stages of the relationship. Some may personally be subjected to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?" Like any typical relationship, there will be people who support the couple's choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family.

Myth 6: A "Sugar Mummy" is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man, sooner than later.

Fact: The real sugar mummies or Cougars keep physically fit and tend to look much younger than their age. They have a young man in their life who probably has 80 packs on his chest; so why not? Any woman will age over time; probably not as gracefully as a Cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy and exercise. If a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he's usually there because of her personality as much as her looks.

At the end of the day, I will never encourage anyone to date a person that is years older than you. Insecurity is one of the things that actually ignites these relationships. The man may be too lazy to stand by himself financially, or his sexual urges are getting a better part of him. And for the lady; well, I wouldn’t know her reason. Life is a choice. So, make yours wisely.