Marriage: for richer, not poorer?

By Tolulope Odeyemi

I have been to many weddings where the usual ‘‘what God has joined together, let no man put asunder’’ has been repeated like an old ritual song. The couples with love and passion in their eyes commit to this vow innocently.

Honestly this section of the wedding is what makes me misty eyed; however, not far from this mushy feeling is the niggling thought of doubts that crosses my mind. I believe and know that there should be nothing that has the power to separate a man and a woman in marriage but all the same, there are lots of issues today that undoubtedly wedge a big gap between two lovers.

Issues like in-laws, sex, habits and most importantly money have been identified to have tested the strength of love in many relationships. Every marriage will be “tested by fire”; to not be tested is however dangerous because it only shows that the marriage is like a house built on a sandy shore that will be swept away at the first sight of trouble.

The whiff of money

Truth is, getting married is a big commitment; it involves a lot of trust and work. It is wonderful to find someone that you want to spend your life with, it is also important to break the destructive gene of ‘self’ in the union.

Marriage is probably the only institution on earth where the word ‘space’ does not retain its dictionary meaning, forcing it to do this is to stare into the empty eyes of divorce.

One of the issues that becloud the fairytale-like harmony of many couples is financial issues and it is a leading cause of divorce and separation. ‘‘Money is good’’, as the popular saying goes and everybody in this terrestrial space wants a portion of it. However, the question that is often on my mind is ‘‘how could something generally perceived as good be a weapon of destruction to a God-created institution?’’ In marriage, should it be ‘‘his money, her money or our money?” I have seen money cause a crash in many proverbial ‘made in heaven’ marriages; I have seen many ladies declare unending love to their men and at the slight mention of money become uppity like the ‘three witches’ in Shakespeare’s ‘Macbeth’.

Different strokes

Funmi Solomon has been married for four years now. She has experienced money cause a stir in her marriage.

“Finances in the home is always an issue,’’ she said. Narrating her own experience, she revealed that “there are some things I want to buy, things like jewellery and shoes, that my husband may not approve of. For those things, I go absolutely with my money’’.

She opined that a joint account is only necessary to execute concrete projects including housing, school fees and buying of cars.

“In the home, there should be three accounts, one for the husband, wife and the joint one,” the mother of one said.

Ayo Salami, a father of two, however disagrees with Mrs. Solomon.

He strongly believes having a single and joint account is key to a successful marriage.

‘‘In any successful marriage, it should always be the case of our money; we are one not separate persons in marriage. I should always know what my wife is doing with her money, and vice versa. We are one,’’ he stressed.

Tolani, a client service executive at an advertising firm, revealed that in her own case, she entered her marriage with the intention of keeping what is hers for herself. However, the reality of the togetherness struck her before her first anniversary.

“The first few months were heaven on earth. After a while, I started noticing cracks; my once loving husband became distant,’’ she said.

“Night after night, we would fight over who should financially take over various projects. I love shopping and dressing nice. I didn’t understand what it meant to have a joint account because I was used to making my financial decisions independently. I resented my husband almost all the time because he wanted me to be accountable to the last kobo spent in the house,” she explained.

Getting a common goal

Tolani said her marriage was saved when she complained to her mother about how her marriage was getting chaotic, and got three tips on how she could prevent monetary issues from coming between her and her husband.

Tolani’s mum suggested that she has an open discussion with her husband regularly about the state of their finances including debts and assets. She suggested that this will help check frivolous spending by one while the other saves constantly. She also believes goals and targeted projects should be set as a couple as this will make both parties committed to the project. Lastly Tolani revealed that her mother also suggested that spending guidelines should be made together and adhered to while communicating regularly.

With these tips, Tolani said, she was able to save her marriage and return the romance.

Source: 234next.com