Having A Crush On Your Partner’s Best friend?


Being faithful is an important if not necessary component of a relationship. BLESSING UKEMENA writes on how to handle a crush that is not supposed to exist in the first place.

That is terrible right? Having feeling for your boyfriend’s best friend or girlfriend. It is one of the ultimate betrayals, but everyone must have heard of such stories before, or probably experienced having a crush on their partner’s best friend.

Stories abound of how a groom-to-be runs off with the bride’s best lady, or where the bride runs off with the best man. Humans! We can be so unpredictable at times, but that is part of what makes us human. A similar case happened recent to a dear friend of mine. We should call her Grace (not real name). she hails from Anambra State.

Back when Grace began her tertiary education at the Federal University of Technology, Minna, she had a very close friend called Binta, who was from Kaduna State. Grace and Binta were inseparable throughout school. They lived in the same hostel, both always went to classes together.

If any guy came to ask any of the girls out, like Grace for instance he would have to be approved by Binta, and vice versa, before he became an approved boyfriend. Both of them were quite petty and smart, although Binta had a more attractive look. It was that good between them. After school, they both relocated to Abuja, and because Grace’s dad was a top director in one of Nigeria’s top banks, he soon got her a job and life could not get any sweeter.

One weekend while they were clubbing, Grace met this very handsome guy, Bennard. Grace liked him immediately and danced with him all night, almost ignoring Binta. Binta liked him as well but kept her cool because he was with Grace. She thought he was just a fling. Well, so did Grace. But three months later, Bennard became serious about settling down with Grace.

Binta also had a man in her life, Hassan, but he was not the kind of person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. And as friends who shared a lot of secrets, Grace was always telling Binta how good Bennard was treating her, and how she couldn’t wait to become his wife.

One month to the wedding, Grace travelled from Abuja to Lagos to buy some items, and Binta then decided to pay Bennard a visit. They got talking and by the time Grace got back, she noticed a change in Bennard’s attitude towards her. She ran to her trusted friend, voicing the new development. Binta was the friend she always was, listening and offering advice.

To her utter shock, Bennard called off the wedding and declared that he was marrying Binta, the very same day he was meant to marry Grace. So, if you were in this unfortunate situation, then think on these points:

1. Just forget it entirely
But if you can’t, then do not tell anyone. Some people might think you’re weird. You might earn a bad reputation, or make your best friend’s relationship with her boyfriend and you very awkward. It’s not like lying; it’s just being smart. You can’t lie, if you don’t say anything.

2. Keep reminding yourself
It’s just a crush you have on this guy, your friendship is more important and one day your feelings will fade.

3. Watch what you say
If you think you have the biggest crush of all time on him, you might suddenly blurt out: ‘I love you’ or ‘Do you want to go out?’, so be careful.

4. If your best friend ends up...
Breaking up with him, don’t rush to be the first girl with him. Take it slowly, trust me.

5. Try not to spend too much time with the couple
You shouldn’t be doing this anyway. All couples need to be left on their own for some “quality” time, i.e. kissing and stuff like that.

If you’re hanging out with your best friend and her boyfriend turns up, hang out for a tiny bit longer and then politely leave them. If they invite you somewhere, politely decline. Don’t do this all the time though, or it’ll seem rude. Only decline when they invite you to places that could get awkward – like on a walk or something romantic.

6. Don’t get too close to him
You and your best mate’s boyfriend or girlfriend might get on really well, but just remember to be cautious about it if you like him or her. Try to stay polite, but not too friendly. Don’t ever be rude though, or you might end up fighting with your best friend over it. Just act polite, but a little more formal than usual.

7. Try to improve your friendship with your best friend
Be as nice as you can possibly be to her, spend loads of time with just her (but not so much as it seems you are taking her away from her boyfriend) and laugh with her. The closer you are to her, the less likely you are to want to hook up with her boyfriend, because you won’t want to hurt her.
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